By Marie Gethins
Dr. R.J. Twomey, emergency physician, 37:
Caucasian female, aged 93. History of hypertension and hypercholesterol; acute myocardial infarction outside domestic residence. DOA.
Luanne, neighbour, 42:
Full of neighbourhood news. Always watching.
Tommie, Luanne’s son, 12:
Friggin whack. Sparky didn’t crap on her lawn.
Jakob, husband, 95:
A treasure, Gertrude took no nonsense.
Stanley, son, 64:
She demanded the best from me.
Minnie, daughter-in-law, 58:
A right…c-word…and I don’t mean cow.
Liz, grand-daughter, 31:
Like really uptight, you know, wouldn’t meditate.
Becky, great-granddaughter, 2 ¾ :
She put her teeth to sleep in a glass.
Gertrude, spirit, timeless:
Nincompoops, the lot.