By Aaron H. Aceves

1. New York means New York City. What else?

2. Dating someone in a different borough is a long-distance relationship.

3. A shortcut through the park at night isn’t worth the time you save. The bruises fade, but the memories don’t. Hey, at least you get to write about the experience.

4. If your friend is from here and calls it a “short walk,” it most definitely is not.

5. Don’t lend your books to pretty boys. They won’t read them, and you’ll never get them back.

6. Yes, you did spend that much at the bar last night.

7. You’ll fall in love every time you take the subway. You’ll want to get off where she does, but you won’t because you’re not a predator. (Even if you were, she’d be able to kick your ass.)

8. The guy at the bodega has seen you drunk and stoned and hungry and heartbroken. He must know you better than anyone you’ve shared a bed with.

9. In New York, you are ambiguously brown, which means people will ask you for directions in Spanish, Arabic, Urdu, Hindi, Farsi, Bengali, and English.

10. When people ask you for directions in English or Spanish, you’re pretty sure you can help them, but as soon as they walk away, you’ll feel like you’ve sent them to their death.

11. If you sleep with professors, they’ll talk your ear off afterward, but never about the subjects they teach. You won’t know what to do with your degree in Unavailable Men.

12. New York parks in the summer are magic. The sunshine. The guy blasting house music from his speakers. The rose. The curly-haired boy. But beware, it’s often a one-sided magic.

13. Being drunk makes your train ride home much shorter. If you don’t miss your stop.

14. You will gain a fruit guy, a halal guy, and a hotdog guy. Sometimes this makeshift family will be enough to keep you afloat.

15. For some people, home is a house. For some, it’s a person. For you, it’s a possibility.