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Two Little Eyes

December 5, 2021 6 Comments

By Soda Canter

His long, dry fingers pulled back the broken blind to reveal a pool of dust at the break of the pine forest. The dust dissipated as the crackle of the gravel revealed a black sedan. Almost like the game shows he and Momma used to watch on Saturday nights; a flash of light and the swish of red velvet curtains and the grand prize would be revealed. He unhooked the latch and opened the door to the sheriff. A high school friend who was once intimate but with absent time had become a polite acquaintance. He smiled at the greeting and said, “No, I’m home alone.”

Two little eyes.

He glanced to the left at the faded picture of his momma. She’d been gone for nearly ten years. He still kept her TV tray up next to the peeling lime green recliner she’d won at a bingo night back in ‘83. It had made her so happy. She never quite got over not winning again, but would tell the story from time to time after too much homemade wine, with wonder-filled eyes and an unsteady hand. In the fading sunlight, the sheriff raised a school picture of a tiny thing with a bright smile and ice-blue eyes. He could tell she was destined to be one of life’s winners and said, “No, I haven’t seen her.”

Two little eyes.

He glanced to the right at the place between the kitchen and the living room where the wood paneling had been replaced. Only one section, a sudden change from light to dark, with a tiny space in between where he’d drunkenly mis-measured. Just enough room for a faint river breeze and glimmers of dusty light to filter through. A physical reminder that he had failed after he lost his job at the canning factory. His momma had said once that he was just like his daddy. Apparently, he couldn’t keep a job either. He nodded and promised to make it right. Do something folks would remember. And he always kept his promises to Momma. The sheriff tipped his hat and stepped off the porch. He waved with a friendly pledge to catch up sometime and said, “I’ll call if I see anything.”

Two little eyes watched.

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Dialogue That Zings with Laura Besley - November 7 & 8

Learn dialogue from every angle, from giving each character a distinct voice to avoiding info dumps and knowing when to cut a tag.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Jose Manoj Mathews T says

    December 5, 2021 at 9:30 AM

    A Beautiful story

    Reply
  2. Ephra Behn says

    December 5, 2021 at 10:08 AM

    Scary. Well written. I hope that sheriff comes back and takes that wall apart! 😉

    Reply
  3. Leila S says

    December 5, 2021 at 11:41 AM

    Brilliant and haunting

    Reply
  4. Sue Clayton says

    December 5, 2021 at 9:21 PM

    Disturbingly gripping.

    Reply
  5. Trey says

    December 8, 2021 at 9:25 AM

    Raw and authentic. Always inspired by Mr. Canter’s perspective. Keep ’em comin’!

    Reply
  6. Doug Jacquier says

    December 8, 2021 at 7:44 PM

    An intriguing, well-told tale. This one sentence, about the sheriff, jars, ‘A high school friend who was once intimate but with absent time had become a polite acquaintance.’ Were the two once intimates or were they intimate with each other? And ‘absent time’ seems clumsy to me.

    Reply

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