By Kait Leonard
This Story Won Third Prize in Our Contest
Learn More About Our Contest Here
Maddy was just a girl who sometimes wore dungarees and other times wore silky circle skirts that brushed her knees and made the loveliest swoosh-swoosh when she walked. She was just a girl trying to figure out calculus and boys and how cheerleaders at her high school managed to look so grown up. Maddy ate lunch every day with three friends, under the tree, near the back fence. It felt daring to sit apart, as if they had important things to talk about. They mostly talked about boys and sometimes homework.
Maddy’s friend, Gillian, had the same boyfriend since seventh grade, but they never seemed to do much together. Sandy had a crush on a basketball player who went steady with the junior class president, so she always needed to discuss her latest plan for capturing his heart. Sasha wrote poetry in a special journal, inside her textbooks, and sometimes even on desktops, about the boy she loved back home, in Boise.
Maddy thought the boy who sat in the back corner of math class was cute, and she laughed when the guy with the glasses who always came late to history told jokes. But she didn’t have anyone in mind to be her boyfriend. She wasn’t too worried, but she did hope to change her status by senior year.
Every day Maddy walked alone to school and home again because her family lived in the trailer park, and her friends all lived in real houses. She didn’t mind too much. Sometimes, when she wore her favorite yellow skirt, she would twirl as she walked, turning it into a blazing pinwheel. Sometimes she stopped at the liquor store for a soda. The walk wasn’t so bad if she took the shortcut through the park and behind the recreation center.
Then one day, from a distance, Maddy saw a man up ahead on the path. His greasy hair stuck to his head like a cellophane wrapper, and his pants bagged as though they belonged to someone a lot bigger. She considered turning around and going the long way. But Maddy didn’t want to seem rude, and anyway, he was probably just poor.
~
Between classes, Maddy tried her best to smile when her friends talked about last Friday’s football game or what they might wear to the next school dance. But she couldn’t. And soon there would be that moment when the girls fell silent, and the only sounds Maddy heard were shifting backpacks and the whispers of her own memories.
Maddy was just a girl who couldn’t make herself go out to the tree by the back fence and who never wore her silky circle skirts again.
I love what you’ve left unsaid here. There’s a lot of power lurking there.
Wow! This is a powerful story. It reminds me of a poem by William Blake called “The Sick Rose”. Congratulations on its publication and stay safe.
This will bother me for a long time.
Somehow you managed to leave me haunted and sad; while leaving out the most heinous part. Well done!
The understatement is so powerful. What a haunting story–sad, but beautifully written.
I’m so sad for Maddy. Great storytelling.
That’s a pure flash voice you have working there, Kait. Will be interesting to see its application across the board.
Such a concise evocation of anticipation and mood!
Wow…
Congratulations on this story, Kait, and winning third place in the contest. “Just a Girl” is written with compression, brevity, and urgency, exemplifying flash’s very nature. Phenomenal!
The subject matter for your story is an important one, so set “the hook” early. The problem (she wants a boyfriend) and the tension (her friends are socially out of her comfort zone) should be set up in the first paragraph or two. The action and denouement need to come back on stage. Give Mattie some spunk as she tries to claw her way out of a desperate situation. The epiphany of your story is poignant. Good job! It sent a stiffer down my spine.
This story is poignant and haunting, as much for what it doesn’t say as for what it does.
Very powerful. A great example of quality over quantity.
Disturbing. Moving us into that unspeakable part of the world where there is no comfort or solace.
I could understand the condition, Maddy found herself. From all indications, she was trying to fit into the society she found herself. I can relate this. In high school, I was much of a principled and lonely student who find it difficult to follow trends. It was more because I had to spend my money judiciously. I was so frugal that I didn’t mix up with people easily especially when it required unnecessary expenses.
The essence of this story was heartbreaking. The reader is left in no doubt as to what happened to Maddy.
Kait, this haunting story will remain with me. The innocence, the trials of growing pains, trying to fit in, all expressed with such brevity. The hopefulness in Maddy, not minding the trailer park so much, feeling like a pinwheel spinning in her favorite yellow skirt, not minding the walk behind the rec center and through the park. The park, the rec center, foreshadowing places where predators wait for their victims. Her willingness to think better of someone, “…didn’t want to seem rude.”
All taken away with an unspeakable act. Such a classic flash fiction piece. I hope there will be more of your work.
Wow! Great story. It leaves a lot for the reader to imagine and grasp. I feel sorry for Maddy. Will she ever be the happy girl twirling around in her skirts ever again?
Oh my. So well done. You’ve captured the angst of growing up and the unspoken crime – “the whispers of her own memories” – so beautifully.
This is a heartbreaking story. The loss of innocence is palatable without ever saying what happened. Amazingly written.
Powerfully highlighting the mundane while the trauma lurks beneath. My life in a nutshell. Good job.
It is very painful to read.This scares me, are my children truely safe?
I absolutely love how you handled the very sensitive part of the story, yet leaving me to feel just as sad for her. Excellent job!