By Rosie Cullen
The Shovel walked along the lines around the edge of the playground. The aim was to keep balanced. If you came off, you would be eaten by piranhas.
The trick was to keep your eyes firmly on the lines and concentrate on nothing else. This way, you also wouldn’t hear the names that they called you, “piggy” or “fatty,” or lately they had started to call him “The Shovel” because they said he just shoveled it in.
Stuart knew he was podgy, but he didn’t know how not to be. His mum said it was puppy fat. She said he had a healthy appetite, and he was a growing boy. That made it all right, for a while. There was just him and his mum, and she was large, too. And his Nan, who said they were big-boned, and it ran in the family. But then what about Uncle Bill? He was lean and wiry and worked as a forklift truck driver, something Stuart thought he might like to do when he grew up.
Stuart negotiated the far corner, which was always a difficult maneuver. Then he saw two feet approaching along the next section of lines, one dainty pointed foot placed carefully in front of the other. Blue sandals. A girl. He paused, trying to keep his balance. Sometimes they did this deliberately to make fun of him. The trick was to stay very still and not look up. It didn’t always work; someone might shove him off the line anyway, and he would be in amongst the piranhas.
She placed her next foot forward until their toes were almost touching. Although he wasn’t looking up, Stuart could see enough to know it was the new girl, Stella.
“Hey look—it’s the Shovel and the Rake!” A girl tittered close by.
Stella was thin. Thin as a rake. Thinner than a skeleton.
A minute passed, maybe two. The girl calling them names was joined by her giggling friends.
They were saved by the bell. Then Stella did a funny thing; she reached out and took his hand, and they stepped off the lines together.
The cruel taunts of bullying children so well described, but not all children are bullies. Stuart and Stella can take comfort in each other.
Thank you for your comments Sue.
A lovely and clearly-drawn story. I really enjoyed this.
Thank you Sarah. 🙂
Yes. The best way outcasts can fight back is to join together. Love it!
Thank you M C Tuggle – my thoughts exactly. 🙂
Beautiful story. All it takes is one person to change the face of bullying. Wonderful.
Thank you Lois – yes, you just need that one hand to reach out!
Lovely. Made me smile. Thank you.
Thank you Rita – hope I’ll get the opportunity to make you smile again!
Great story and I like the pairing of the two. Believable too because it really does happen: I can think of stories like this from my own kids!
Thank you Annie – yes, this story was inspired by observation of the school playground!
Great story, compelling and moving, with a happy ending. loved it
Thank you – that’s very much appreciated.
nice to read. a complicated theme
presented in a simplified rout
Thank you Jose.
Everyone needs a hand of comfort at some time; it can speak volumes. Lovely story.
Thank you Margaret – appreciated.
I enjoyed this very much! Touching story.
This is lovely.
Hope in the taking of a hand.
Thank you Chris, exactly.
A superbly crafted piece that proves not all flash needs to be flashy. Loved it❤️
Thanks Julie! Yes, I love words but I have always been more of a storyteller than a craft writer.
A fun, quick read. Enjoyed the novel use of shovel and rake to define the two characters.
Thanks for your comments Ed – the piece originated from a one word prompt ‘Shovel’, the first two flash I wrote were cliched, you know, somebody being bopped over the head with a shovel etc. and then I remembered whilst standing at the school gates watching a young boy, who was clearly isolated, engaged in just this activity, walking along the playground lines and the ideas began to fall into place.
Shovel and Rake so apt a metaphor. How many of us needed a Rake when we were growing up and how many of us dared to be a Rake? Thank you for passing on this simple yet powerful insight in a wondefully composed story.
Thanks Afsaneh!
This was the perfect start to a frosty day, and certainly takes me back a few years. I knew a ‘Shovel’ (his name was Grant) while I happened to be ‘The Rake’, almost literally. So this piece moved me.
If I might be so forward as to offer my one personal observation, and please don’t think I intend to criticize: I, personally, would have opted not to add the line, ‘They were saved by the bell.’ The impact, I believe, lay in the following line and was, in part, dismissed by the jarring nature of the interruption of the bell. The beauty of the story lies in the implications of Stella’s action, and it would have resonated so much more powerfully if she had done it with a full audience.
All in all, however, a wonderful piece. 💛
Tai Le Grice – it’s great to receive feedback and I really appreciate people taking the time to think about the story and how it might work better. For sure your suggestion would work very well – but it might change the tilt. I thought about it and realised that for me (and this is very subjective!) without the intervention of the school bell the ending would have a fairytale quality, an uplifting act of defiance in the face of the bullies. For me, unfortunately I do not feel life always lends itself to such endings. Stuart is clearly experiencing trauma; I don’t feel that he is yet ready to become ‘defiant’ but Stella reaching out her hand to him offers not only comfort but hope and they can step off the lines together as the bell calls the bullies back to class. It is a subtle difference of intention in the narrative but one which I now realise is important to me – so thanks again for flagging up this moment!
Nicey crafted. A complete little nugget of a story. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Bruce.
Heartwarming. Well done.
Thank you Frances.
Got a goosebump or two over the ending. Well done.
Thank you Dan.