By Tom McEachin
Mama said stay in the backyard to play because of the bad man around the corner. I had the red ball I got for my birthday but no one to play with, so I kicked the ball against the side of the garage. When it bounced back to me, I’d kick it again and again.
One time, I kicked the ball crooked, and it bounced down the driveway. I ran after it, but it rolled faster than me. The ball bounced off a parked car and into the street, stopping in front of a man driving a black pickup truck. He skidded to a stop. I could’ve ran to get my ball, but I was too frightened to move because Mama said never go in the street. The driver jumped out of the pickup. He grabbed the ball and booted it high and far up the street and drove off.
I ran after the ball as fast as I could. When I stopped to catch my breath, I realized I was already around the corner, standing in the middle of the bad man’s yard. I looked around for my ball. It sat under the bad man’s porch.
I froze. A few droplets of rain falling from the silver sky startled me more than I already was. I wanted to run home, but I wanted my ball. I hid behind a bush and looked in every direction. Nobody was around to help me. The bad man’s house was dark, the blinds shut, everything quiet. My knees shook. I wondered what to do.
The slats over the front window abruptly rustled, making a gap at the edge of the blinds. In that gap was an eye and that eye was looking right at me. All the breath slipped out of me. I dove down and closed my eyes. My heart thumped. I grabbed a handful of grass in each hand and tried to pull myself into the ground to make myself as small and flat as I could.
I heard a roar in the distance. I hunched my shoulder and peeked under my arm. A red sparkly car lurched forward, towards me—it was the bad man’s car. The engine was loud, vroom! vroom! yet the car moved slow. Like a turtle. It kept creeping towards me.
When it got close, I saw the bad man driving. Smiling at me and driving. Vroom! Vroom! the car went. But it barely moved. I grabbed clumps of grass tighter and tighter. I pulled harder than I ever tried in my life. Suddenly, the front door opened behind me. The sparkly red car drove in front of me. I tried to make myself invisible. Tried to pull myself all the way into the ground.
I love the frightening conclusion. Roller coaster tale!
I appreciated the concept of the bad man/boogey man. I am a bit confused about the car and the ending. Otherwise, it has the potential to be a great horror story, perhaps, but it’s a bit confusing. Thank you for writing this.
Norah, thanks for your feedback. I agree with you. What I was attempting to do here was create a tense situation, then keep building that tension. By leaving the ending open the way that I did, I felt that added to the tension by the character – and the reader – not knowing what to do next. But I also understand that approach comes with a cost, in this case the dissatisfaction some readers may feel by the non-ending. Tom
Congrats on getting it into the magazine. Keep going. Shorts or flash is good and bad: good because you can make a story out of anything and it’s only a few words. Bad, you can make a story out of anything and it’s barely a few words. Like poetry, every word you choose, is crucial.
Very scary! The tension builds and never stops.
Although I enjoyed the frightening pace of this story, I felt the ending wasn’t an ending. It left the result hanging in the air.
well written prose
Frances, see my comments to Norah above. The two of you had similar reactions. Tom
Congratulations on getting your latest stories published. I love how you really got into the character of the little boy.i also kept looking for the ending, yet i see how leaving it like that really does add to the suspense!