For this ‘What Makes This Story Exceptional’ we’re going to look at ‘Wild Mint’ by Claudia Wair. There are several things working well in this story, such as a fresh take on a well-worn theme and the central metaphor, but we’re going to be looking at the dialogue. 

There’s a common misconception about dialogue that it should be ‘realistic’. If you listen closely to how people speak—and as writers you should always be listening closely to how people speak!—they generally don’t speak in full sentences, they use a lot of uhms and ahs, they interrupt each other a lot, they don’t say what they mean, and conversations aren’t linear. So where does that leave our dialogue? Well, we need to write dialogue that sounds realistic without actually being realistic. How do we do that? 

The first thing you need to do, is use contractions. Here’s a line of dialogue from the story: “That’s too much work for you. I can’t ask—” The contractions are ‘That’s’ and ‘can’t’. Try saying this line again without the contractions (That is too much work for you. I cannot ask—) Does it sound different? It should do. In most cases, it will sound more formal. Obviously, if you’re writing a more formal character, this might be a way to distinguish their voice from a different character’s voice. Also, sometimes you should not use contractions for emphasis, for example: “I really do not like ice cream!” 

Notice I said: trying saying this line again? Another top tip for writing dialogue, is to read it out loud. If you feel embarrassed doing that, you might want to wait until you’re alone or if that’s not possible, trying whispering it—that works too. In fact, you should do this for the entirety of your piece. There are two main reasons: 

1. Your ear will often pick up what your eyes have missed. By the time you’re reading it out loud, you will likely have read it many times and you’ll almost read over certain parts because it has become so familiar to you. You can try changing the font or printing it out, but one step you mustn’t miss before submission, is to read it aloud. Your ear will pick up repetitions you haven’t spotted and unless your repetitions are for emphasis, they should be avoided. 
2. To check the flow of your sentences. If you stumble over a sentence, chances are, another person reading it will do too, so it’s best to change it. Often sentences are more complicated than they need to be. On a basic level, all you need your sentences to do is convey what you’re trying to say.  

Above, I mentioned one way of distinguishing a character’s voice is by making it sound more formal. There are other ways of making characters sound distinct from each other. Ideally, in a story—no matter how long—characters will sound different from each other. The ultimate aim is if you lift a piece of dialogue from your story and read it in isolation, do you know which character is speaking?

From ‘Wild Mint’, I’ve lifted three pieces of Shawn’s dialogue. Although he’s the secondary character—he’s Keisha’s neighbour—he has a very distinct way of speaking.   

• Then I saw these here patches of mint.
• I won’t say no.
• That did me good

It would have been very easy to write ‘Then I saw these patches of mint’, but adding ‘here’ in makes a huge difference. When Keisha offers Shawn a coffee, he could say, ‘Yes, please’, but instead he says, ‘I won’t say no.’ After he finishes his coffee, he could say, ‘Thanks, Keisha’ or ‘Good coffee, Keisha’ or ‘That was nice, thanks’ but there is so much more in Wair’s choice of words in ‘That did me good’. Not only does Shawn sound different and distinct from Keisha, Wair is using dialogue to build Shawn’s character. What can you deduce about him from the dialogue alone?

The last thing to mention about dialogue is Wair makes subtle use of dialogue that doesn’t strictly follow on from what has previously been said (non sequitur). When done well, this can ‘mimic’ a ‘real conversation’. Here are two examples: 

“I haven’t even thought about the lawn since…” 

“Don’t mention it. When I do my yard, I’ll come over and do yours.”

&

“The church was full.” 

She nodded. “I was afraid the pastor would go on too long. But he didn’t.” 

Notice how subtly the two lines of dialogue in each example don’t quite follow on directly from each other. 

Dialogue can be tricky to get right, but don’t shy away from it. As with all aspects of writing, the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it. And when dialogue works well—as it does in Wair’s piece ‘Wild Mint’—it adds so much flavour to the piece.

Writing the Five Senses with Jo Gatford
October 10 & 11

If you can describe a room in detail and the reader still isn’t standing in it, this workshop is for you. Detail only helps when it’s doing a job, and most of us were taught to add sensory detail without being shown what to make it do.

Join award-winning author Jo Gatford for a full day on smell, taste, and touch, learning to anchor them to memory, routine, place, and character.

In just two days, you’ll write a taste that has no name, use a smell to carry information you never have to explain, and build character through touch.

Learn More and Enroll