By Natalie J. Chan
This Story Won Second Prize in Our Contest
Learn More About Our Contest Here
Retirement felt tiring, and Edwin Lau found it refreshing to walk around the block.
The snappish morning breeze imbued his lungs with fresh, cool air and doubled as a good, hard smack in the face as if nature herself slapped him into consciousness. He would vigorously flap his spindly arms up and down like an albatross taking flight and then loop them forward and back as if practicing breaststrokes at the pool. Randomly he would stop, pump out a few squats, mimicking the young man with the fake tan and tight outfits from his wife’s exercise videos, and finally continue on his way to meet Mr. Yun and Mr. Giannopoulos, neighborhood compatriots, at their local Tim Horton’s. If in luck, they nabbed three seats near the faux fireplace and nursed their burning coffee as expertly as they nursed their burning grievances—a trio of cantankerous men with plenty to say about the government, their health, their wives, and their adult children. Often in unison, they nodded, raucously relieved to be retired in these ridiculous times. Upon his return home, Edwin would take an extended nap, preferring a long, dark pause in the middle of the afternoon rather than dwell on the next day’s plan or the plan after that.
Today though, there were no walks, no visits to Tim Horton’s, nor communal complaints about society’s ills. Today, Edwin found himself in Dr. Hassan’s dental chair uncomfortably reclined and uncharacteristically subdued. He’d made the initial mistake of confessing to his family about his toothache, a slow, irritating throb on his right side. But his greater lament, and one that he kicked himself for, was his less-than-complimentary remark on his wife’s meal. As soon as he declared at the dinner table that the usually succulent beef in Sabina Lau’s famous congee was too chewy to eat, he’d known he stepped in it. The suspended chopsticks and agape mouths of his wife, son, and daughter-in-law told him as much.
“Good to see you again, Mr. Lau.” Dr. Hassan looked down at her chart and eyed her patient thoughtfully. He squirmed like a highchair-trapped toddler, the rubbery chair sticking to the back of his legs between his shorts and white crew socks, restricting his movements further and fermenting his already sour mood. “I’m feeling completely fine. Not sure why I’m here.”
As if sensing a recalcitrant patient, the dentist seemed to suppress an eye roll, lowering her glasses instead. “Well, I did receive a call from your wife, and she had concerns—a persistent pain in your mouth, especially when you eat?”
“Ah, that woman! Nothing else to do. She likes to stir up drama. Yesterday, she phoned our son three times, instructing him to put our grandchildren in snow pants. It’s October.” He held up three fingers for emphasis. “Unreasonable. Look at me. I’m still in shorts!”
“Well, drama or no, you’re here now, Mr. Lau, and so I’ll just ask you some questions, shall I?”
He shrugged and studied the poster on the wall showcasing a lime-green bacteria-demon gnawing on a crying molar, his feigned nonchalance convincing no one in the room.
“Mr. Lau, which side of your mouth hurts?”
“Ms. Hassan…”
“Doctor Hassan…” she corrected.
“Well… Dentist Hassan…” he corrected.
“Mr. Lau!”
“It hurts on my right side.” His admission was sulky and muted. He felt trapped, useless as a boat with a hole. Such nonsense, he thought, forced to see a dentist over such a small thing.
“Thank you. Your wife mentioned you started to notice the pain about three weeks ago. Yes?”
Edwin waved off the dentist. “Probably from my bad habit of chewing toothpicks. I promise to stop. How do you say it? Scout’s Honour?” Having only an inkling of what the Scout’s Honour sign entailed, he settled on crossing his fingers on both hands and waving them around with enthusiasm to emphasize his sincere intent.
Dr. Hassan rolled her chair aggressively toward him. “I’ll just take a quick look, shall I?”
He shifted, uneasy; the chair’s overhead light glared hot and accusatory, slow-baking his forehead and making him sweat. “Please, ahh, just a minute. I need to use the washroom.”
She sighed and graciously rolled her chair back. “Of course. Turn right, down the hall.”
Edwin awkwardly rose, ignoring the flatulence-like squeaks as his skin uncoupled from the dental seat. At the door, he motioned to the right, seeking confirmation. Dr. Hassan nodded curtly, and he rewarded her with a winning smile, a slightly cheeky bow, and promptly turned left towards reception.
Edwin Lau was on the run.
He found the emergency stairwell and carefully navigated down the narrow stairs, glad he wore his practical runners, the only shoes he now wore, even to his friends’ funerals or, as his son corrected—celebrations of life. He cared not for their modern description, only that they happened too frequently these days. He left the medical building with a spring in his step, bolstered by juvenile satisfaction imagining the surprise on Dr. Hassan’s face and her pursed lips of disapproval.
His reverie was punctured by a sharp jab in his right molar—he’d be back at the dentist’s soon, but he had bought himself time, and even one day was a win he’d take. In varying degrees, life felt like war to Edwin, and when retirement hit, it struck hard, his emotions blasted into tiny, bloody bits. The war was over, and he had lost. Today it pleased him greatly to discover that he still had a battle or two left in his brittle, aging bones. Ambling down the sidewalk with a swagger reminiscent of the old spaghetti westerns he loved to watch, he whistled a ribald tune from his early school days. Edwin couldn’t remember the exact words but vividly recalled the feeling of being quick, light, and free.
Maybe the guys were still at Tim’s? If he walked faster and skipped his squats, he might still be able to catch them.
Natalie, you wrote an amazing story. It was wonderful, easy to read, yet full of content, seemingly spread out, but profoundly concentrated. I read it three times and my joy over it did not wane. Great.
Thank you for the wonderful feedback Joe!
Well done. Pleasant expression of moods without over-describing them..
Thank you Ron!
10/10 story i rate it
Great story natalie!
Thanks Bob!
Great work! It’s so descriptive, you can honestly feel the elation and glee he felt upon escape. Although…I now want to find out more!
Thanks Jessie! That’s exactly the feeling I wanted to convey at the end.
Natalie, you sucked me right into Edward’s world throughout the entire romp. Looking forward to reading more.
Thank you Cori! Glad you enjoyed it.
Not sure how Edward got there, but Edwin kept me entertained.
Great story. So relatable. i found myself cheering Edwin on even though he was being ridiculous. Sort of a rebel without a cause, other than his own childish behavior, haha. Well done.
I too was cheering on Edwin as I wrote his story. Thanks Peter.
Natalie, wow! I loved this. Edwin seems like quite the character!
Thanks Elizabeth!
A writing instructor could use your story as an example of excellent characterization.
Thanks muchly Ginger!
Played in my head like a scene from a movie. Congratulations; entertaining from start to finish. Whichever story won first prize must be amazing to beat this one into second.
Thanks so much Michael! Glad you liked it.
Edwin wins this round, and I cheered for him. I laughed as I did.
Natalie, well done to you. Edwin’s character is well drawn and highly relatable. Your writing shows layers which add to the entertainment and interest. I enjoyed moments such as the contrast of the hot bother of the cafe conversation to the subdued sulkiness of the dentist’s chair.
Great work. I hope you enjoyed crafting this piece as much as I did reading it.
I did! It was a fun write. Thank you for your comments Nathan.
The story is really interesting and very relevant every day life facts about retired folks like my parents 😀
Love to see where this story can branch out to.
Congratulations 👏 🎉 on your w🏆 n Nat!
Like my parents too! Thanks Lourdes for taking the time to comment.
Bravo! What a beautifully crafted story. Each turn of the page was like a dance of charm and delight.The main character was engaging and so funny. It was as if I were a fly on the wall, watching Edwin get up to his hilarious antics as he deals with his daily frustrations. Loved it and I’m looking forward with great anticipation to reading more of the author’s work.
Thank you so much for the lovely feedback Renee!
What a vivid quintessential cranky old man you’ve created! I enjoyed his little victory. It started my morning off with a smile. Well done!
Thanks Lisa! I was rooting for Edwin too. Glad my story made you smile.
Excellent, descriptive writing and humor. But Edwin, take it from someone who has suffered through a root canal. You will be running back to the dentist!
I know what you mean with the root canal! Had one done a while back. Thanks for your feedback Barry.
I enjoyed it. But, rebellion? Yes. Necessary? Perhaps, although I think it’s more apt to say it’s our tendency to procrastinate, defer, or postpone, especially with an element of fear involved.
Glad you enjoyed it Terry! Thank you for your thoughts.
well written, vivid imagery and the uplift that readers seem to need in these times
Thank you Susan!
Natalie:
I appreciate the care you took characterizing Dr. Hassan. Her condescension explains Edwin’s resistance and accurately reflects the way society tends to dismiss the concerns of older people.
Thanks for your thoughts Christine!
Natalie, you have a flair for telling an entertaining story.
Some of my favorite descriptions:
Love the description of Edwin avoiding infinite plans: preferring a long, dark pause in the middle of the afternoon rather than dwell on the next day’s plan or the plan after that.
Another great one: the rubbery chair sticking to the back of his legs between his shorts and white crew socks
The end was a slam dunk, too: If he walked faster and skipped his squats he might still catch them.
Edwin is a riot…
Thanks for the read.
Cheryl
Thanks for letting me know what parts were your favourite Cheryl. What encouraging feedback!
Loved this story and your descriptions were so vivid! Snappish morning breeze, the exercises, preferring a long dark pause in the middle of the afternoon! So great ! Thank you for an enjoyable read !
No, thank YOU for commenting Monica! Glad you liked it.
This is an engaging tale with an excellent portrayal of how a cantankerous guy focuses on navigating the time remaining, but only if it’ll be on his terms.
Congratulations on connecting all the right dots into a winning tale!
Thank you MaryLou!
What a great read to start my day! The descriptions are so vivid, I could literally see Edwin in my head. And felt like screaming “Run Edwin, run!”
Thank you Geneviève! Yes, I was cheering Edwin on too 🙂
What a great slice-of-life story. I could really empathize with the character. Nicely done!
Thank you Genevieve!
Mr Lau’s rebellion I find childish, yet true to the norm. I am around such characters and the sort is exasperating. So I must say well done to the writer.
Yes. Absolutely. Edwin wasn’t the best behaved. Reading a story with a colourful character and understanding the reasons that lead him to behave that way hits differently if it’s real life 🙂 Thanks for your comment Fer.
Bravo Natalie
I, too, wear shorts in October…. Reading your descriptions is like being side by side with Edwin👍
Thank you very much Guy!
What an utterly charming story full of lovely details. You’ve created a character that makes me want to scold and cheer simultaneously; just like my own dear grandmother does. Well done!
Glad you liked reading about Edwin, Amy. Thanks muchly for your encouraging comment.
What a wonderful story! Such vivid descriptions, I could see the whole story play out in my mind! Edwin was an endearing character from beginning to end and the end of the story brought a smile to my face. Thank you for a lovely start to my day!
What a great compliment. I love to hear that my story is positive part of someone’s day! Thank you shaila!
Ms. Natalie:
While I am not that cantankerous, I can feel for Edwin. I too have a tooth ache on the right side and had to move the appointment from the 11th to the 29th, so I have escaped the dentist also.
I was retired until Biden Economics set me back to a part time job.
So bottom line, I loved the story that is me!
Hi I’m so glad you connected to the story. There were quite a few individuals who did see a bit of themselves in Mr. Lau. Good luck with your dentist!